Cool Cinema Trash

Cool Cinema Trash: The Devil Within Her (1975)

Oct 22, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

What it’s all about: As a sweaty Joan Collins writhes and moans during a particularly difficult childbirth, doctor Donald Pleasence comments to a nurse that, “This one doesn’t want to be born.” When you have Donald Pleasence for an obstetrician, you know you’re in big trouble. The Devil Within Her (1975, also know as I Don’t Want to Be Born) is a wonderfully wacky mish-mash of ideas liberally borrowed from other, more successful horror movies like Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and The Exorcist (1973).

When proud father Gino Carlesi (Ralph Bates) visits his wife Lucy (a pre-Dynasty Joan Collins) in the hospital, he finds her with bloody scratches on her cheek courtesy of their newborn son. “Maybe she was cuddling it too tightly,” Dr. Finch (Pleasence) explains, “Even at this age, babies have an extraordinary instinct for survival.” The uneasy couple brings their son home and they are greeted by efficient housekeeper Mrs. Hyde.

Gino’s has a sister who is, in fact, a sister. A nun that is. Sister Albana (Eileen Atkins) has come all the way from Italy for a visit. Gino greets his sister with a welcoming cascade of Italian endearments. “We are only going to speak English.” She insists. English, that is, with really bad Italian accents. Why talented British born actors like Bates and Atkins are forced to adopt such crazy accents is anybody’s guess. This is just one of he many instances where The Devil Within Her sabotages itself with odd production choices and absurd plot devices. Really, would an Old World Italian Catholic nun (with a bad accent) be any better suited for an exorcism than a Sister from the UK?

Lucy is paid a visit by glamorous pal Mandy, played by an oddly dubbed Caroline Munro, whose crazy cockney accent would sound right at home in a dinner theatre production of My Fair Lady. An unearthly ruckus from upstairs interrupts their girl talk. They find that the nursery has practically been demolished. Baby Nicholas lies quietly in his crib, a dolls decapitated head in his little arms. “He frightens me,” Lucy admits, “He’s been like that since he was born.”

In flashback we learn that Lucy used to be a nightclub dancer. With hilariously detailed narration, she recounts the beginnings of her woes. Her specialty was a number where she danced with a dwarf named Hercules. One night in her dressing room, her pint-sized dance partner pays her a visit. “I felt awkward,” she tells Mandy, “but I didn’t want to upset him, I knew how sensitive he was. I felt his hand on my neck. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. Maybe for an instant I was fascinated. It felt unreal.”

She rejects him and he is humiliated. As Lucy leaves the club, Hercules shouts his curse, “You will have a baby…a monster, an evil monster conceived inside your womb. As big as I am small and possessed by the devil himself!” It’s not weird, or scary, or creepy. It’s just one of the many moments in this supernatural thriller that elicit giggles instead of terrified screams.

When Sister Albana comes to visit the baby, she witnesses a violent feeding. “He spat at me!” Lucy cries, “He hates me!” In Albana’s presence, baby Nicholas shrieks and when placed in the arms of a priest at his christening, he goes into convulsions.

After employing the help of a full-time nurse, Gino and Lucy go out for a romantic evening. When they get home, they find the nurse was nearly drowned while giving the baby his bath. A little hand pulled her head into the bathwater. As Lucy puts the child to bed, it’s not the baby’s face that she sees, but the evil visage of Hercules!

While sharing a cup of tea with her friend, Lucy frets over her newborn, “How can I tell the doctor I think the baby is possessed by a devil?” Dr. Finch suggests some genetic tests to help determine what’s wrong with the baby. While the nurse is taking Nicholas for a stroll in the park, a tiny hand pushes her into the lake.

Albana discusses the problem child with her brother, “Lucy believes he is possessed…by the day-vil.” Unsure whether Lucy is imagining things or if something truly is wrong, she asks Gino, “When did you last pray?” Their whispered prayers elicit tortured screams from the baby upstairs.

The next day, Lucy steps out while the beleagured Mrs. Hyde finds a dead mouse in her cup of tea. Sister Albana consults with Dr. Finch in a laughably philosophical discussion of religion, science, and the supernatural. The doctor takes her theory of possession in stride and agrees to hospitalize the baby for observation while Gino takes Lucy on holiday.

Lucy goes to see her old employer. Tommy, the slimy strip club owner is played by John Steiner, who was also a memorable villain in the Italian films Yor, The Hunter From the Future (1983) and Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989). While auditioning a group of forgettable dancers for his topless revue, Tommy invites Lucy to rejoin the troupe. “I was lousy most of the time.” she admits. It’s valid assessment considering the fact that she never stripped in her old act. The scene injects some hardcore T&A into what has so far been a PG state of affairs.

She explains that he might be the daddy of her devil child, “Just ’cause you’ve got some freaky offspring you wanna pin it on me. What’d you expect me to do, fire Hercules and put your kid in my show?” In a moment that foreshadows her future employment on Dynasty, she calls him a bastard and dramatically slaps him. This piques Tommy’s interest, “I wanna see this spooky baby of yours.”

At the apartment, when Tommy leans in close to see if there is a family resemblance, baby Nicholas gives him a bloody nose. This amuses Lucy and, for the first time, looks at her child with affection. That is, until the face of Hercules appears in the crib.

Gino comes home from the office with all the makings for a romantic evening with his wife. They finish off the night by making love in a scene filled with soft-core close-ups and saxophone accompaniment. When Gino checks on the baby and finds the nursery empty and the window open, he goes outside to investigate some eerie giggling. When he looks up into some braches, a noose slips around his neck and he is soon dangling from a tree. His body is disposed of in the storage cubicle underneath the patio.

Lucy searches London for her missing husband but cannot find Gino anywhere. That night the doctor pays a visit to check on the troublesome child and it’s frenzied mother. “I’m frightened to be in the same house with him,” Lucy admits. After giving her a sedative, Dr. Finch hears that same creepy laugh and goes to investigate. In the backyard he is decapitated with several whacks from a garden shovel.

In a doped up haze, Lucy stumbles through the house. Her nightmare becomes all too real when she is attacked by the possessive spirit of Hercules. “I’m your mother, you can’ hurt me!” she cries as she barricades her bedroom door against her child’s murderous attack. “I know why you hate me. You didn’t want to be born!” Lucy pleads, but it is no use and she is stabbed trough the heart.

In a final showdown, Albana confronts the devil child. Reading from an ancient text, she begins the exorcism while the infant screams and the crib shakes. Baby Nicholas tears at her vestments, but with crucifix in hand, she carries on. On the other side of London, Hercules doubles over in agony while performing onstage with the girls at the nightclub.

The child leaps from the crib as the nursery shakes. Repeating the sacred Latin text, Albana touches the cross to the baby’s forehead. Hercules stumbles and falters while the showgirls continue to dance around him. Apparently the show must go on, even if you’re a stripper. When Sister Albana is finished, Nicholas gurgles and coos like a happy baby while Hercules, that diminutive practitioner of black magic, drops dead in front of a stunned audience.

In conclusion: When you’re dealing with a murderous, possessed infant, there’s a very fine line between a story that is terrifying and a story that is terribly silly. The cast seems to be trying their best, but their efforts are wasted in the type of movie where a grown man is punched in the nose by a baby. If The Devil Within Her had a Z-grade budget and second rate actors it would have been an amusing piece of genre junk. What makes it truly exceptional is the fact that this appears to be a serious attempt at a suspenseful horror film.

Aside from its unintentional laughs, The Devil Within Her leaves many questions unanswered. Why does Joan Collins remain clothed during her strip routine only to (briefly) appear nude in a love scene later on? The beautiful Caroline Munro is best known for her shapely figure. Why cast her (in a part that’s inconsequential at best) if you’re not going to exploit those assets? Where exactly did Hercules get his powers? Is he evil or just a bitter little man? Is he the devil? Why did he die after the exorcism? How does a nun (who is a research scientist) know how to perform exorcisms?

With demonic dwarfs, possessed infants and some of the ugliest (but groovy) production design of the 1970’s, Joan Collins might feel that The Devil Within Her is better left forgotten. Fans of Cool Cinema Trash will consider it unforgettable.

Cool Cinema Trash: The Brainiac (1962)

Oct 15, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

For the uninitiated, The Brainiac (El Baron Del Terror, 1962) may seem less like a south of the border cinematic oddity and more like a trip into a surreal parallel universe. It’s audaciously silly and undeniably weird, but what else would you expect from the country that gave the world the Los Luchadores (Mexican wrestling) subgenre. The Brainiac doesn’t include the heroic exploits of popular cinematic wrestling star El Santo, but then again, it doesn’t need him. The Brainiac is outrageous enough all on its own.

What it’s all about: The fun begins in 1661 as Baron Vitelius d’Estera (Abel Salazar) stands before a masked tribunal for crimes against the people of Mexico. The grand inquisitor reads from an incredibly long list of kinky misdeeds perpetrated by the Baron, who seems mildly amused by the proceedings. He is sentenced to burn at the stake for his crimes.

The townsfolk gather in the field to watch as justice is harshly dealt. A burning miniature in the camera’s foreground is meant to give the impression of a burning pyre, though it’s obvious that the flames come nowhere near the actor playing the Baron. Though the scene is supposed to take place outside, the indoor set is amusingly sparse and about as convincing as the sets festooned with cardboard gravestones in Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959).

As a comet flies overhead (an effect achieved using an “animated” out of focus photograph), the Baron calls out to the men who have condemned him. “I shall return to your world within 300 years when that comet completes its cycle and is once again in these latitudes. When that happens, I will take my revenge upon you. I will kill each and every one of your descendants and I shall expunge your foul lineage from this earth!”

Fast forward to 1961 where Ronny and Vicky (Ruben Rojo and Rosa Maria Gallardo) visit professor Millan (Luis Aragon) at his mountaintop observatory. After the professor gives an exhaustive explanation, we learn that the Baron’s comet will be cruising past earth that very evening. Vicky scans the sky with the observatory’s telescope and soon discovers the same shoddy special effect we saw earlier crawling across the heavens. “What a splendid spectacle!” the professor cries.

Meanwhile, a curious driver spots the comet (literally a sparkler in the sky) and pulls to the side of the road just as a giant paper maché rock clumsily falls to earth. As he approaches the iceberg-shaped structure, it dissolves, revealing a hideous space alien. With its hawk-like nose and scraggly hair, the Brainiac is easily one of the most inventive and amusing monsters to ever grace the screen. The pulsating rubber mask and suction cup-tipped hands only add to its low-budget charms. The monster attacks the hapless driver with its elongated forked tongue and swaps clothes with him, its ghastly visage transforming into that of Baron Vitelius!

Ronny and Vicky, investigating the falling star, encounter the Baron on the side of the road. Several long awkward moments pass (as if the actors were waiting for the director to call “action”) before the trio introduce themselves. The youngsters eventually go off comet hunting while the Baron proceeds to a nearby bar where he meets a pretty lady. A flashing stage light is used to represent the Baron’s irresistible gaze. A flurry of bongo drums erupt on the soundtrack as he transforms into the Brainiac and uses his forked tongue to suck out her brains.

The dead bodies end up at the local morgue. “A most astounding thing has occurred in these cases,” the medical examiner explains to a pair of detectives, “The cephalic matter was sucked out through these small openings.”

“A maniac with a lot of knowledge is a threat,” one of the investigators deadpans as they theorize that the deaths may somehow be linked to a recent bank robbery.

The Baron pays a visit to the national archive where, in the basement catacombs, the remains of the grand inquisitors are interred. Later, while strolling in front of a gas station, he encounters a working gal whose brains are just too yummy to pass up. Cue that crazy bongo beat as he transforms and goes on the attack.

Meanwhile, the professor can’t understand how the comet they were tracking could’ve simply vanished from the sky. “We’ve been working for two weeks,” Ronny points out, “and you’re exhausted.” Vicky brings in the mail, which includes an invitation from Baron Vitelius. A party at the Baron’s chi-chi mansion will be the perfect way to unwind.

That evening, the Baron gives the evil eye to each of his distinguished guests as his butler announces their arrival. They are all the descendants of the men who persecuted him 300 years earlier. To assure that the audience fully understands the correlation between the present day guests and their long-ago relatives, the faces of their forefathers are superimposed over their modern day counterparts as each person arrives. This cinematic technique works fine for the male actors since they play both the grand inquisitors and their descendants, but when poor Vicky enters, her face amusingly morphs into that of her unattractive male ancestor.

After attending to Ronny and Vicky, the Baron excuses himself. Sequestered from the prying eyes of his guests, the Baron unlocks a large cabinet to reveal an ornate goblet filled with brains! He daintily uses a silver spoon to eat his fill before returning to the party. The detectives working on the drained brain murders are also on hand to protect the high society guests and their valuables from thieves. The evening ends pleasantly and without incident.

So far, the Brainiac’s victims have been randomly selected. Now it’s time for the Baron Vitelius to truly exact his revenge. The first on his list is a historian (actor/director German Robles). While pouring over some historical texts, they come across the Baron’s own history and he confirms that he is indeed the same man mentioned in the history books. Paralyzed by the Baron’s flashing gaze, the history professor can only watch as his lovely daughter succumbs to the brain-hungry fiend. The professor is also sucked dry before his house is set ablaze.

“These people here were burned,” the detective later says, overstating the obvious. “Only that doesn’t fool me. It’s clear that that madman extracted their brains as well.”

Next, the Baron visits a steel tycoon (director/actor Rene Cardona Sr.) and his wife. The Baron goes on the attack while being shown the man’s laboratory/foundry. The tycoon watches helplessly as Baron Vitelius makes out with his wife, then transforms and devours her. Using his otherworldly influence, he forces the tycoon to step into his own furnace.

Over breakfast, Vicky and Ronny read about the recent deaths in the morning papers. Since the victims were all guests of the Baron, Ronny can’t help but think that, “No matter how hard I fight it, I’m still convinced this Baron Vitelius is a bad omen.”

The detectives also suspect the Baron, but he easily sidesteps their questions. The next person on his list of vengeance is a newlywed bride. When the Baron enters her honeymoon suite, she calls out to her husband, but the bridegroom has already fallen victim to the Baron’s insatiable lust for revenge. Inexplicably (perhaps to break up the monotony of all that sucking) the unlucky groom was hung upside down in the shower and drowned. The bride faints at the sight of the Brainiac and becomes his next meal.

The detectives finally put two and two together when they visit the catacombs, comparing the names there with their current list of victims.

Vicky and Ronny are the next to die!

At his estate, the Baron lures Vicky into a room alone under the pretense of giving her some jewelry. Out of nowhere he declares, “I long to love you and adore you above all, I swear it. But there is no way now. My hate is much stronger than my love, like a matter no one can control.” Ronny discovers the secret brain stash and does battle with the transformed Baron. He isn’t much help and poor Vicky falls into the monsters clutches.

The detectives, who’ve inexplicably arrived barring flame-throwers, proceed to roast the Brainiac alive. The Baron’s plot has been foiled. The smoky, charred remains of the beast turn back into Vitelius before finally dissolving into the Baron’s skeletal remains.

In conclusion: Audiences have K. Gordon Murray to thank for bringing The Brainiac to American movie houses and TV screens in the mid 60’s. The Florida-based producer repackaged and dubbed Mexican product for the U.S. market and became particularly well known for the kid’s matinee titles and horror movies he distributed. Murray rarely copyrighted these films and, after their initial runs in theatres and television, most of them faded into obscurity.

In the public domain for years, The Brainiac was once only available on bargain bin VHS and DVD. Thankfully, Casa Negra Entertainment has released an exquisite version of the film that is sure to please any cult movie fan. The full frame print used for this DVD release is as near perfect as you can get with a film of this vintage. The picture is crisp and you have the choice of the classically campy English dub or the original Spanish language track with optional English subtitles. A text essay details the history of the production and it’s place in the Mexican horror genre. Other features include an interactive press kit, a U.S. radio spot, cast biographies and a small still gallery. There is also a feature length commentary by Kirb Pheeler, a fanboy who watches The Brainiac with all the glee of a devoted fan. While commenting on the more absurd aspects of the film, Pheeler also manages to impart a lot of information detailing the film’s background as well as the various behind-the-scenes players, including actor/producer/director Abel Salazar.

The Brainiac is a blissfully weird and wild ride through the surreal world of Mexican horror movies. Take this cinematic trip south of the border. You won’t be disappointed.

Cool Cinema Trash: Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

Oct 8, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

He was a homicidal maniac who lived to kill!

The star of Bloody Pit of Horror (1965), Mickey Hargitay, is probably best remembered as the former Mr. Jayne Mansfield. Like many musclemen of the era, Hargitay found a certain degree of fame starring in European costume pictures, most of them made in Italy. Oddly enough, despite his impressive physique, Hargitay played Hercules only once opposite his bombshell wife in The Loves of Hercules (1960).

You know you’re in for a special treat when a movie starts with a quote by the Marquis De Sade. “My vengeance needs blood!” (Insert maniacal laugh here) Part Italian horror film, part muscleman movie, Bloody Pit of Horror (1965) is a uniquely strange cinematic hybrid.

What it’s all about: The movie begins with a flashback of a red-hooded criminal being led to his death. Helpful narration explains that the aptly named Crimson Executioner “…took life not from any sense of justice, but from hatred and self gratification.” As the prisoner is being strapped into one of his own torture devices he loudly proclaims, “I’ll return and be avenged!”

The iron maiden looks like it was constructed for a grade school play. The coffin shaped prop is clearly made of painted plywood and its deadly spikes are unmistakably rubber that look anything but sharp. Still, when they close the door he screams in agony and the camera pans down to reveal blood oozing out the bottom.

A clock ticks away the years as our narrator chimes in with this helpful piece of voice-over, “Your castle will stand throughout the centuries as a reminder of the barbarism and cruelty committed within its walls.”

Flash forward to a photographer and his models arriving outside the castle doors. The abandoned castle looks to be the perfect spot to shoot their pulp fiction book covers.
Kinojo, the exotic one, has an eerie premonition, “There’s something evil about this castle. I’m sure of it.”

Her boyfriend Perry dismisses her female intuition, “You Hawaiians are far too impressionable.”

As the gang begins to explore, they find that the castle isn’t abandoned after all. The reclusive Travis Anderson (Hargitay) is the master of the house. He orders them to leave, but reconsiders when he sees the photographers prim assistant Edith. They can finish their work, but must go in the morning.

While Edith helps the girls get ready, Perry and Raoul go off on their own to explore the dungeon. After being frightened by a bat (made of rubber and suspended on a string) Perry disturbs the final resting place of the Crimson Executioner unleashing his shadowy spirit.

In a comedic montage, Dermot the photographer tries to get some work done by posing the uncooperative girls in various states of peril. A girl being stabbed, a girl being strangled, a girl en pointe ballerina-style in a cat mask (don’t ask).

While the group sets up for the next shot, Raoul coaxes Suzy downstairs into a dark and cozy corner of the dungeon. Suzy limply protests when he starts to get fresh. “Let me alone Raoul, I’m scared.”

In all horror movies (even Italian ones) sex equals death. The reincarnated Crimson Executioner soon makes his appearance. Raoul does his best to defend his lady love but his back is quickly broken when the Executioner traps him in a half-nelson/death grip. Since he resembles a Mexican wrestler in his red tights and cowl the wrestling move seems apropos. Suzy is next. She cowers in the corner, helpless, as the Crimson killer moves menacingly closer, and closer, and closer…

In another part of the castle a new shot is being set up. As a model in the photo, Perry lays down on an antique torture device. Suddenly the pendulum swings and he is sliced to death. “The rope was badly worn.” Max the crass book publisher attests, “We overlooked that I’m afraid.”

After the terrible accident the girls want to leave, but Max is only concerned with getting the job done.

“I’ll double your salary.”

“My life’s worth more than that.”

“Triple it.”

“Okay, it’s a deal.”

As luck would have it the castle has a dark room. When Dermot develops the photo taken during the accident, it reveals a mysterious figure in the background. A man in a mask and hood. When Travis sees the photo he takes our group on a walking tour of the castle and explains the history of the Crimson Executioner. “…for centuries he was entombed there in the dungeon and only a seal has protected mankind from his supernatural powers. If the shadow in the photograph is the Crimson Executioner I fear anything might happen. I had to tell you.” What a considerate host.

When Rick and Dermot find Suzy’s pierced corpse inside the iron maiden, Rick (with his background as a former journalist) assess the situation. “At this point there’s only one explanation… deliberate murder.”

While Rick rounds up the models, Dermot goes for help. He doesn’t get very far. With an arrow through the neck, Dermot lays slumped over the steering wheel of his sports car, driving in an endless circle in the castle driveway.

As Rick and Edith search for the other girls she reveals that she was once engaged to Travis. “He used to be a muscleman in costume films. He’s always been a little strange.” After hearing Kinojo’s cries for help, they discover her trapped in the “spider room”. The scene that follows is possibly the weirdest in the movie, and that’s saying a lot.

Poor Kinojo has been suspended from a giant spider’s web and the room is criss-crossed with steel cables attached to cross-bows, making it impossible to reach her.

“Don’t you see? It’s a diabolical trap!” If that wasn’t bad enough, a bizarre spider creature, with poison in its claws, threatens her life. One thing the movie doesn’t make clear is whether this bug is supposed to be an actual spider, or some kind of mechanical menace. At any rate, it probably isn’t supposed to look like a lumpy piece of paper-mache that any third grader could have built. It looks that silly. Rick makes an attempt to save her by shimmying underneath the wires, but he is too late.

Edith is then captured and taken to Travis’ chambers. It is here that he reveals his true nature. Travis is a narcissistic sadist. “Mankind is made up of inferior creatures who would have corrupted the harmony of my perfect body.” While delivering a lengthy monologue on the virtues of his physique, Hargitay massages oil across his torso and dons his Crimson Executioner drag. Using a secret passage (don’t all good haunted castles have them?) Travis makes his way down to his private torture chamber where the fun really begins.

Now completely immersed in the persona of the Crimson Executioner Travis begins a gleeful orgy of agony by tormenting Max and the girls with a series of painful medieval devices. Boiling oil, Chinese water torture, the rack, Travis is having a fabulous time with his toys. So much fun that he’s practically to the point of orgasm. Hargitay plays it to the hilt.

We reach the climax (of the movie) when Rick arrives to save Edith. For a wimpy guy in a cardigan, Rick surprisingly holds his own against the Executioner. But it looks to be a classic case of brains over brawn when Travis is out-smarted and impaled on one of his own torture devices.

At deaths door he bemoans his fate, “My pure body has been contaminated…the body of the Crimson Executioner!”

Rick takes Edith in his arms as she pleads, “Please take me away from this castle. It was a nightmare.”

In a contemplative mood, Rick answers, “I won’t write any more horror stories. The man that said life was stranger than fiction made no mistake.”

No stranger than this movie Rick.

In conclusion: A budget version of this title is available on DVD but the special edition from Something Weird Video will be of most interest to collectors. Filled with great extras, the disc includes a remastered widescreen print and trailer, “Never before so much paralyzing terror as in this hair-raising orgy of sadism!”

Included is a clip from Primitive Love (1964), a crazy comedy starring Jayne and Mickey, and a clip from Cover Girl Slaughter. There’s also a gallery of exploitation movie art. Included on the disc are some deleted scenes, though they might be more accurately described as extended scenes. Moments that show the girls exploring the castle, getting ready, posing during the photo shoot, that kind of thing. Although the movie is unrated and the back cover warns of graphic violence and nudity, there is in fact no nudity (the girls are scantily clad, not naked) and the violence is nothing more extreme than would receive a modern R rating.

Bloody Pit of Horror is sometimes kinky, at times weird but always hilarious. An homage to bodybuilding and masochism that shouldn’t be missed.

Cool Cinema Trash: Yeti the Giant of the 20th Century (1977)

Oct 1, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

So big, so strong, but so gentle. You will learn to love Yeti!

In the mid-seventies, movie producer and marketing genius Dino De Laurentiis convinced nearly everyone on the planet that they just had to see his big-budget King Kong (1976) remake. Suddenly, big apes were a very hot commodity. To cash in on all the publicity, several other producers (from several other countries) made their own versions of the classic tale.

The Italian-made Yeti: The Giant of the 20th Century (1977) starts off promisingly with a sweeping orchestral score (“inspired” by Carmina Burana) and impressive footage of glacial ice crashing into the sea. But it quickly becomes apparent that this is just another wonderfully cheesy Kong rip-off.

What it’s all about: A well meaning Professor (John Stacy) is asked by the “over nourished, over weight, Daddy Warbucks” type industrialist Morgan Hunnicut (Eddie Faye) to head a “humane expedition” to study the Yeti, who was discovered frozen in ice and floating off the coast of Newfoundland.

“An avalanche probably caught him while he was sleeping on the ice millions of years ago,” the Professor theorizes, “Then perhaps an earthquake caused the ice to break up and fall into the Arctic Ocean.”

In a perfect example of Bad Movie Logic, Hunnicut lays claim to the Yeti and boasts, “That monster is gonna be the new Hunnicut Enterprises trademark!” Apparently, consumers won’t be able to resist a prehistoric beast schilling for a multi-national corporation.

Hunnicut’s grandchildren, Jane (Phoenix Grant) and Herbie (Jim Sullivan) are also present during “Operation Yeti”. The oddly androgynous Herbie (whose only friend is his dog Indio) has been mute since a plane crash killed the children’s parents.

Once enough of the ice has been melted with flamethrowers, the Yeti is loaded into a specially constructed Plexiglas container that looks like a British phone booth. In a procedure similar to mothers who give birth in those special Jacuzzi tubs, the Yeti is airlifted via a helicopter (an effect achieved with a model chopper carrying a Yeti doll) to 10,000 feet where he’ll comfortably thaw at an altitude similar to his Himalayan home.

“The Yeti is part of nature,” the Professor pontificates, “Only she should give him life if she so chooses.” The Yeti (Mimmo Crao) bears a striking resemblance to the Bigfoot that guest starred on the popular television show The Six-Million Dollar Man. The only difference being that the Yeti has an impressively styled bouffant hairdo. When the one-million-year-old giant awakens in the twentieth century, he gives a shrieking war cry that shakes the model helicopter. When they land at base camp, the Yeti (not too surprisingly) breaks free and wreaks havoc among the scientists and paparazzi.

Yeti rescues Jane and Herbie from the panicking masses and carries them away. While in the Yeti’s hairy paw, Jane places her hand on his chest to steady herself. Yeti apparently likes her sensitive touch because his giant nipple gets hard! Yeti sets up house in the Canadian wilderness and brings his new friends some freshly caught seafood.

Herbie’s pet collie does Lassie proud and goes to fetch the Professor. When help arrives, they find the Yeti using the skeleton of the fish he’s just eaten to comb Jane’s hair. With his keen eye for behavioral science, the Professor tells Jane, “He’s adopted you as his family. He’s mistaken Herbie for his son and maybe you for his wife.” Yikes!

Cliff (Tony Kendall) the ruggedly sun-tanned Hunnicut representative crudely articulates what everyone must be thinking, “She might have some duties to perform if she stays overnight.” Double yikes!

When Jane uses a giant can of generic hairspray to tend the Yeti’s wounds, he makes wistful goo-goo eyes at her. “Yea-tee, come,” She commands and Yeti follows his friends back to base camp. Though the Yeti has only just been revived, an aggressive publicity campaign has already swept the country. Hunnicut has diversified into every conceivable industry. At a gas station, drivers are encouraged to, “Put a Yeti in your tank and you’ll have giant power!” At a mall kids clamor for merchandise, including cheeky t-shirts that read: “Kiss Me Yeti”. Meanwhile, a consortium of Hunnicut’s rivals elects the double-dealing Cliff as their new boss.

The Yeti is loaded into his repaired cage and flown over Niagara Falls on his way to Toronto where he is greeted by a parade. The “Yetians” sing a disco version of his theme song. “He is sooo big, the man of snow,” they warble, “But he won’t harm you, the Yeee-tiii.”

Yeti makes his Toronto debut atop a Hunnicut Hotel where flash photography predictably irritates him. Mayhem ensues and the fleeing crowd sweeps Jane into a glass observation elevator. Hilariously, Yeti grabs the elevator cables and begins to yank them up and down like a yo-yo. When the floor of the damaged elevator gives way, Jane is left dangling thirty-two stories above street level. To save his beloved, the Yeti climbs down the outside of the building and grabs her in the nick of time.

With a miniature Jane in his hand, the Yeti strolls through downtown. Despite being several stories tall and kind of hard to miss, Jane and the Yeti evade the local police and hide in a warehouse. Hunnicut sends the Professor to look after the ailing Yeti, whose life is threatened by two goons on Cliff’s payroll.

“If the Yeti doesn’t get oxygen within the next ten minutes he’ll die!” The Professor ends up paying for this diagnosis with his life. As the Yeti helplessly watches, the henchmen beat the Professor to death. Once the Yeti is revived with a fresh tank of oxygen, he goes after the two goons. One falls while trying to escape the monster’s wrath. Yeti’s oversized foot traps the other, but he isn’t squished. Instead, Yeti strangles him between his giant hairy toes!

When Hunnicut is informed of the Professor’s death, it’s hard to tell whether he’s overcome with grief or just constipated. At the warehouse, Herbie is caught eavesdropping on Cliff’s diabolical scheming. They hold him at gunpoint (unless the kid is really good at charades, who is he going to tell?) confirming Jane’s suspicion that there’s been foul pay concerning her gigantic friend. Indio, the faithful Collie, is stabbed by one of Cliff’s henchmen while trying to protect the children.

“I know what a worm you are now!” Jane shouts at Cliff as she smacks him one. He smacks her right back and is in the process of chocking her to death when Yeti smashes through the warehouse wall and comes to her rescue. Cliff makes a fast getaway with Herbie as his hostage. The scene suddenly switches to day as Cliff and his cohorts race up a mountain road. Yeti tosses a tree on one car, a boulder on another, and is waiting at the top of the hill when the car with Herbie arrives. The two remaining goons are so frightened that they run away and proceed to fall off a cliff!

Once the Yeti safely retrieves Herbie, he goes after Cliff, who tries to run him down with a construction crane. Yeti flips the vehicle (actually, it’s the Tonka truck equivalent) and stomps on his nemesis.

Before the authorities shoot the Yeti, Jane soothes the savage beast with her own brand of Yeti-speak. “Boy…Girl…thank you, but please go away. This world is not for you. Go back to the wilderness, to the mountains, where life is like you knew it.”

Unbelievably, Yeti seems to have comprehended every word. “Good-bye Yea-tee,” Jane calls, as the police chief gives her a funny look… he can’t seem to believe it either. With a single tear running down his cheek, a sadder but wiser Yeti returns to the great frozen North, accompanied once again by that groovy theme song.

But it ain’t over yet.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, we hear the heroic bark of Indio. Man’s best friend is reunited with his master in an unintentionally hilarious moment. The boy and his dog run toward each other in slow motion as if they’re in some kind of oddball lovers montage. It certainly brings new meaning to the term “animal lover”. Triple yikes!

In Conclusion: Considering the number of effect shots in Yeti: The Giant of the 20th Century, it seems that the producers were fully invested in making a serious fantasy/adventure film. All the blue screen process work couldn’t have been cheap and shows that a lot more thought went into making Yeti than some of the other low-budget Kong movies out at the same time.

That being said, all that time and effort didn’t necessarily make the effects any less cheesy, and that’s a good thing if you’re a lover of Cool Cinema Trash. While some of the blue screen work is fine, most shots look pretty shoddy. In one scene, Herbie’s blue coat magically changes color. Since his blue jacket would appear invisible against the blue screen backing, his jacket is replaced with a tan one. Once the special effect is complete, his jacket returns to blue.

A full-size Yeti was also constructed for use in certain location shoots. It looks just as ridiculous as the towering robot Kong De Laurentiis made for his movie but, in both cases, they only appear briefly in each film.

DVD copies of Yeti are difficult, but not impossible to find. This kooky take on the “giant monkey on the loose” genre can occasionally be found on auction websites and online specialty shops that deal in hard-to-find and obscure cult movies.

Cool Cinema Trash: The Adventurers (1970)

Sep 24, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

The average filmgoer might be fooled by the lush music and artistic backdrop used in the opening credits of The Adventurers (1970). But any true fan of cool cinema trash will recognize these flourishes as vain attempts at cinematic respectability. When the names of producer Joseph E. Levine and novelist Harold Robbins appear onscreen, you know you’re in for a genuinely trashy experience.

What it’s all about: In the fictional South American country of Corteguay, young Dax Xenos (Loris Loddi) plays on a verdant hillside with his puppy. Their carefree frolicking is soon ended when the dog is shot dead.

Now, what kind of movie kills a puppy in it’s opening moments? This kind. Hang on tight, because there’s lots more sex, violence and melodrama to come.

Dax and the women of the household hide in the cellar as government soldiers ransack their villa. The soldiers rape and kill the women, including the young boy’s mother and sister. Dax escapes and brings back his father (Fernando Rey), a lawyer who has joined in the fight to overthrow the government’s tyrannical regime. Young Dax asks for the honor of killing the captured solders. “For my mother, for my sister, for Corteguay!” he declares, using a machine gun to execute them.

Dax is taken to the relative safety of the hacienda owned by revolutionary General Rojo (Alan Badel). Dax befriends Amparo, Rojo’s daughter. One afternoon the children stumble upon a couple skinny-dipping. “He rapes her and she rapes him,” Dax explains. He declines Amparo’s suggestion that they “play” like the adults do. “I think I have to kill you afterwards.” Boy, this kid is going to need some serious therapy.

Dax and Amparo escape amid gunfire and explosions when the hacienda is set ablaze in a savage nighttime raid. They evade soldiers and overcome harsh weather in a montage of their perilous trek across the rugged countryside. When they finally reach civilization, people are rejoicing in the streets. The government has been overthrown. Amparo’s father is now el Presidente and Dax’s father will become a Corteguayan ambassador.

In Rome, Dax (now played by Bekim Fehmiu) has grown into a suave playboy whose only passion is for fast cars and fast women. His best friends are the well-to-do sons of his father’s business associates, Sergei Nikovitch (Thommy Berggren) and Robert de Coyne (Christian Roberts). After a rousing game on the polo field, Dax and his cohorts race their sports cars through the Italian countryside to the villa de Coyne.

After a party that leaves the house in a shambles, Dax invites Robert’s sister for a midnight swim. With the voyeuristic eyes of countless statuary watching them, Fehmiu and actress Delia Boccardo engage in the first of the film’s laugh-out-loud love scenes. As they silently writhe poolside, Dax envisions the long ago rape of this sister. Strangely, this doesn’t seem to dampen the mood. The camera zooms in and out, in and out, as the scene finally reaches it’s, um…climax. When the Baron de Coyne (Rossano Brazzi) arrives home to find the disgraceful remnants of the previous nights orgy, he cuts Robert off.

When Dax’s father makes a return trip to Corteguay, he is shocked to discover the level of violence and extravagance on which Rojo has built his new regime. When el Presidente is told that Dax’s father has befriended the new revolutionary leader, el Condor, the kindly lawyer is asassinated via an exploding air tram.

Dax returns to take part in his father’s spectacularly lavish state funeral. Presidente Roja, wearing a feathered helmet that makes him look like Big Bird’s fey uncle, asks Dax to continue to honorably serve Corteguay the way his father once did. But before Dax can be persuaded to barter a deal between the government and el Condor, he is reunited with his childhood sweetheart, Amparo (now played by Leigh Taylor-Young). Since no woman can resist him, they’re soon burning up the sheets.

El Condor is convinced to lay down his arms in the name of peace, but it is a trap. Dax and long-time family friend Fat Cat (Ernest Borgnine) helplessly watch as tanks and soldiers on horseback massacre the oblivious revolutionaries. “Until you’ve learned that evil and politics must tolerate each other,” Rojo explains, “There’s no place for you here.”

Leaving Amparo and his homeland behind, Dax vows, “I’ll do anything to get money and power… and then I shall come back.”

“Anything” apparently includes turning tricks. Now penniless, Dax, Sergei and Robert come up with a cockamamie scheme to woo wealthy American women and raise the funds for a dress salon that will feature Sergei’s designs. Since the best way to earn a quick buck (according to the twisted logic of the movie) is to open an exclusive European fashion house, the boys immediately get to work.

One of Dax’s female patrons is Deborah Hadley, played by Olivia de Havilland. Though her role is little more than a cameo, de Havilland conducts herself with a level of grace that belies the actual material. When Dax arrives at her hotel suite, she primly asks, “Maybe this whole thing’s a little ridiculous?”

Is she questioning the film, or her role in it? As expected, she finds him irresistible and after several days of making love and seeing the sights, she pays him a tidy sum for services rendered.

As any fan of cool cinema trash can attest, the only thing better than watching a really good bad movie, is a really good bad movie with questionable fashion. Cinematic runway shows are always good for a laugh and The Adventurers doesn’t disappoint. Models, wearing Sergei’s designs, traipse through ancient roman ruins to the delight of an appreciative audience.

After the show, Dax sets his sights on poor little rich girl Sue Ann Daley (Candice Bergen). They begin their affair with a lover’s montage. Their entire courtship is covered within minutes as they glide along the canals of Venice and visit the fountain of Trevi. Sue Ann celebrates turning 21 at a swanky party where fireworks illuminate a sparkling portrait and spell out “Happy Birthday Sue Ann”.

But Dax has a different kind of celebration in mind. In a moment that practically bashes the viewer over the head with sexual symbolism, he deflowers Sue Ann in a greenhouse filled with exotic blooms. Fireworks explode outside as they literally get hot and sweaty in the film’s second giggle-inducing love scene.

When Sue Ann fumes, “This is really humiliating,” you may wonder if Bergen has broken character and decided to comment on her choice of film roles. Actually, she’s upset because Dax is late for their wedding day. Dax isn’t about to pass up Sue Ann’s millions and the ceremony goes off without a hitch. Their honeymoon doesn’t last for long. While pushing his expectant bride on a swing, the chain breaks and Sue Ann takes a nasty fall.

So far, the wooden performances of Bergen and Fehmiu have been evenly matched. But when she tells him that she has miscarried and can no longer have children, Bergen emotes as if she were in an old Douglas Sirk melodrama. In any other film, it’s at this point that the end credits would roll, but for The Adventurers, it’s only the intermission.

Civil war continues to rage in Corteguay. El Lobo has taken up the fight against Rojo’s fascist government. The revolutionaries successfully raid an airfield and prevent munitions from entering the country. Meanwhile, in New York, we get to watch another of Sergei’s ridiculous fashion shows. Models wearing outrageously mod outfits prance and pose on a flashing disco dance floor.

After the show, a reporter from Teen magazine (future Charlie’s Angel Jacyln Smith) asks Dax, “Is it true you’ve made love to every woman in this room?” The answer would seem to be yes. In the past five years, Dax has been busy marrying and divorcing several wealthy women. Sergei is now unhappily married to Sue Ann. She, in turn, is having an affair with his mistress.

Dax begrudgingly returns to Corteguay for the lavish dedication of a memorial in his father’s honor. He visits Amparo, who has spent the past several years in a convent in exile. She reveals that she has a child, Dax’s son.

Rojo requests that Dax help raise capital for the fight in Corteguay. Olivia de Havilland returns for a brief moment as her wealthy and influential husband helps Dax raise the millions he needs. On the Brooklyn Bridge, Robert informs Dax that he has been double-crossed. An old business associate (Charles Aznavour) has been profiting from the war and making secret deals with Rojo. With Fat Cat’s help, they imprison the swindler in his own outrageously decorated secret pleasure dungeon.

Dax returns once again to his homeland and helps el Lobo stop the new weapons shipment. In an extravagant battle sequence, they destroy a train carrying troops and weapons. A new revolution is born and the march toward the capital city begins. Dax is disillusioned with his country’s tumultuous and bloody history, “Pillage. Rape. Destruction. Death. It’s always the same.”

As the people celebrate their victory on the steps of the presidential palace, Rojo begs for swift justice. When Dax refuses to kill him, Rojo admits that he issued the order to kill Dax’s father. Well, when you put it that way. Dax empties several rounds into el Presidente.

Dax later finds his son and Amparo nursing the wounded in a makeshift hospital. “Don’t save me just to leave me Dax,” she pleads as they make plans to escape to Rome. In a frustratingly cynical ending, Dax stays behind as he sends his loved ones to the airport. In the capital square, the son of el Condor exacts revenge for his father’s betrayal and shoots Dax in the back. As the sun rises on a new day, our hero lays dead in the shadow of his father’s monument.

Talk about a downer.

In Conclusion: With a running time of nearly 3 hours, The Adventurers is big in every conceivable way. Shot on location all over the world and (in certain cases) featuring a cast of thousands, it’s certainly the most lavish adaptation of a Harold Robbins bestseller ever brought to the silver screen. Millions were spent to achieve a grandeur that matched the large-scale scope of the story. Director Lewis Gilbert, who was best known for his action films, seemed a logical choice to handle a project of this size. With three James Bond films to his credit, his expertise at staging large-scale fight sequences was certainly put to good use in The Adventurers. The epic battle scenes, with exploding trains, planes and tanks, are some of the most effective in the movie. But whenever the action shifts towards the quieter, character driven moments, Gilbert seems to loose interest. Despite the fact that he co-wrote the script, most of the dramatic scenes are handled in a flat, unimaginative way.

Yugoslavian born Bekim Fehmiu was unknown to American audiences when he was cast as the charismatic stud Dax Xenos. Though handsome in a brutish sort-of way, Fehmiu’s performance is fascinatingly stilted. Every moment, whether big or small, is played with the same stony-faced indifference. Every female character falls for him instantly, despite the fact that he is practically charisma-free.

His co-stars don’t fare much better. With the exception of de Havilland, the other leading ladies seem at a complete loss. There’s little chemistry between Fehmiu and Candice Bergen. The Adventurers was early in her transition from model to actress. She would eventually go on to bigger and better things. Fehmiu, on the other hand, never made another American film, though he successfully continued his career in Europe.

When The Adventurers was released in 1970, it was originally rated R. Two years later it was re-released in an edited PG version. The DVD contains the original uncut version of the film, though it has mistakenly been labeled as PG.

Like most of the movies based on a Harold Robbins potboiler, we’re supposed to be shocked by the scandalous nature of the story. But with ludicrous sex scenes, spectacular violence, funky fashions, and stars that are obviously slumming, the only thing that’s shocking about The Adventurers is that audiences were expected to take it seriously.

Cool Cinema Trash: Yor the Hunter From the Future (1983)

Sep 17, 2014 | Cool Cinema Trash, Movies

Yor’s World! He’s the man!

What happens when you cross the sword and sorcery of Conan the Barbarian (1982) with the sci-fi cheese of Flash Gordon (1980)? You get the high camp adventures of a barbarian named Yor the Hunter From the Future (1983). Directed by Italian genre mainstay Antonio Marghetti (aka Anthony Dawson) and shot entirely in Turkey, Yor is a weird, wild and unintentionally silly ride that is sure to induce laughter in even the most jaded cinephile.

What it’s all about: You know you’re in for a good time when the film opens with the rousing theme, “Yor’s World”. The songwriting team of Guido and Maurizio De Angelis were clearly inspired Queen’s raucous score for Flash Gordon, but in this case they’ve managed to fashion a one of a kind tune that’s nearly impossible to understand. Ask ten people what the lyrics to “Yor’s World” are, and you’ll get ten completely different answers.

Once the opening credits are complete, Cave gal Ka-Laa (former Bond Girl Corinne Clery) and her elderly companion/father figure Pag (Luciano Pigozzi) get busy hunting a piglet in a dinosaur costume. They are suddenly attacked by an animatronic triceratops. Blonde barbarian hero Yor (Reb Brown) hears their cries and quickly springs into action. With a few well-placed swings of his stone axe, Yor dispatches the beast and drinks its blood. He offers some to his new friends, “Drink. The blood of your enemy makes you stronger. I’m Yor the hunter. I come from the high mountain.” Pag admires his taste in jewelry. Setting up a future plot point, he asks where Yor’s medallion came from. “I’ve had it ever since I can remember.”

Yor is invited to join the tribe’s feasting and frivolity. Ka-Laa does a special hip-swaying dance routine just for Yor, but their tentative flirtations are put on hold when the village is attacked by a horde of hairy purple-faced Cro-Magnon men. Murder and mayhem ensue. Yor does his best to defend his new friends and escapes to the river with Ka-Laa.

Their freedom is short lived when Ka-Laa is kidnapped and Yor is tossed over a cliff. But it seems that you can’t keep a good barbarian down for long, he climbs back up the mountainside and goes with Pag in search of Ka-Laa. They find her in the Cro-Magnon’s cave hideout. They wait until nightfall for the right moment to attack.

In a scene that is spectacular in it’s absurdity, Yor uses a bow and arrow to shoot down a “creature of the night”. He uses the bat-creatures body as a hang glider and swoops in to rescue Ka-Laa. Yor then unleashes the waters of an underground lake, washing away his Cro-Magnon opponents.

Yor, Ka-Laa and Pag journey into the desert for the next phase of their adventure. “I’m afraid death rules this land,” Ka-Laa tells her beloved before he sets out in search of the mysterious woman who wears a golden amulet just like his. He comes across a band of leprous desert dwellers who chase after him with torches. After he is captured, he is brought to the beautiful blond who serves as their queen. Roa (Ayshe Gul) has the same medallion as Yor, but knows nothing of their origins.

Before he can be sacrificed, Yor battles the diseased cave-dudes with a flaming sword, escaping with his new lady-friend in tow. Ka-Laa is less than thrilled with the latest addition to their merry little band. They construct a raft and head down river Huck Finn-style.

“Do you know that I have never belonged to another man,” Roa tells our hero by the side of a romantic waterfall, “I have never felt the desire, the longing I feel now for you.”

Ka-Laa intends to fight for her man and later corners Roa alone. Yor may be a big, dumb barbarian, but he’s her big, dumb barbarian. “Only one of us can belong to him.”

“You cannot understand,” Roa says, insinuating that she and Yor have a very special bond.

Drawing a knife, Ka-Laa assures her, “I understand… that one of us must die!”

Don’t fuck with Ka-Laa ‘cause she’ll cut ya!

Before the girl fight can really get started, the purple cavemen barge in, spoiling all the fun. Yor rescues the gals and goes mano a mano with the chief Cro-Magnon who anachronistically shouts, “Die! Die you bastard!”

Roa is conked on the head during the melee and, with her dying breath, tells Yor she remembers their people come from a far away island in the middle of the sea. “We’ve all lost loved ones,” Pag philosophizes, “But life goes on.”

At the seashore, the trio are enjoying the good life when they hear the desperate cries of someone in peril. Yor and his pals come to the rescue of Tarita (Marina Rocchi) who is being menaced by a clumsy looking dimetarodon. They kill the beast and Tarita offers herself to Yor in thanks who, it seems, has finally learned his lesson concerning the opposite sex. “You’re a sweet child Tarita, but I already have a woman.”

They head to the seaside village where her people watch the skies for the return of a fiery bird. It seems they recently killed a man who fell from the sky and fear that more is to come. The village later comes under attack as lasers fill the night sky. Yor vows to avenge the deaths of Tarita’a people and sets sail for the island Roa spoke of. Yor, Ka-Laa and Pag are immediately besieged by a huge storm and crash on the very island they were searching for.

With little explanation, the film switches genres at this point, going from a silly barbarian adventure to an outlandish sci-fi fantasy.

Yor awakens in a laboratory where Ena (Carole Andre) tells him that his parents were rebels who escaped the island but died soon upon their arrival in the primitive outside world. The Overlord (John Steiner) watches from the safety of his throne room as Yor searches the catacombs of the city for his friends. Yor eventually reunites with Ka-Laa in a maze of mirrors.

Back in the laboratory, the Overlord reveals his plans for Yor, “You are to be the forefather of a new race together with Ka-Laa, this genetically perfect woman as your mate. I am experimenting with a new type of android which requires the seed of a specimen like yourself.” Ena and her rebel friends stop the Overlord from performing a mind-altering operation on Yor and quickly set about battling the robot bad guys.

To destroy an atomic reactor, Yor must swing across a wide chasm to set a bomb in place. Once the device is set, Yor is trapped, so Pag executes some fancy trapeze work and swings to Yor’s aid. Amusingly, obvious miniatures are used in this rescue sequence. Once the Ken doll/Yor stand-in has swung safely back to the other side, our hero confronts the Overlord. The climatic confrontation is over rather quickly when Yor picks up a pole and tosses it javelin-style, impaling the Overlord. With half a wooden dowel sticking out of his gut, the Overlord tries to diffuse the bomb, but the explosion sets off a chain reaction, destroying several miniature sets.

Yor and his friends escape in a jet fighter, the craft literally sailing off into the sunset.

In conclusion: If Yor’s adventures seem episodic, it’s because the film was originally made as a four part series for Italian TV. After it aired, the show was edited to 90 minutes and released theatrically. This is the version most fans are familiar with, the complete television version being extremely rare and nearly impossible to find. CCT’s review was based on the 90 min. cut. A search on the Internet reveals that he main difference between the two versions seems to be the length of the fight scenes. Yor’s fights with the Cro-Magnons as well as his encounters with the dinosaurs are longer and bloodier. One scene that didn’t make the cut features Yor and Ka-Laa battling a snake-like creature in a tree trunk where they hide after the first Cro-Magnon attack.

I just found this sing-a-long version of the theme song and it’s better than I could’ve ever dreamed! Yor’s World!